it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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