If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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