Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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