My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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