I think I died a long time ago.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
