The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
