Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
