is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
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We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
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No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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