if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
