She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
