Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
