Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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