if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
