mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
is it fun? or sober?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
