Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My vagina is officially offended.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
