dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
