Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
