my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
be right there i have to get my cape
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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