Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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