Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
