"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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