If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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