So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
His hands were made for my vagina.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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