jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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