The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
