After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
