oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize