it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
