I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
