I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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