Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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