I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
