Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
