Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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