one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
