Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
