The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
