Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
