In the future we'll all be gay
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
