please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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