she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I bet he comes in French.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
