After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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