dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
