i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Well I just put wine in my tea
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
