So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
they're like a gay fantastic four
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
