so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
