So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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