I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
