so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
