just come out here and I will go home with you...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I had to cum in my sink.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
