I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
