i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
