No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
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