the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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