HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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