is your mom at the bar?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
