she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
