Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
