Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
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