do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
