Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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