the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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