Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
