apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
