I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My ass is underappreciated
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
