He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Randomize
