I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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