she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
