I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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