No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
