When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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