Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
