Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
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Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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