Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
high people should be assigned attendants
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
