the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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