I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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