My underwear smells like fireworks.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
time to smoke my breakfast
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
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