and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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