also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
