the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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